A New Love
by crimson canary
Summary: CH. 3: The GS crew is going to Lemuria on vacation! Can they survive?
1. Expedition into the unknown

**DB:  **Hi!  I'm the Dancing Bagel, and this is my muse, Crimson Canary!

**CC:**  FYI, I am NOT your muse, so stop saying that!

**DB:**  But you're the lame writer, not I!

**CC:  **You forget that I've actually READ your fics…

**DB:  **Touché.

Okay.  I know they probably don't have coffee shops or ice cream shops in Weyward… oh, well…

This chapter is dedicated to a very special garbage can named Melinda…

**Disclaimer**: I do NOT own Golden Sun or any of the characters… oh, well…

Chapter 1:  Expedition into the Unknown 

The moment those nine words escaped his lips, words which were sure to damn any relationship, Isaac regretted it.

            "You think what?!!" the normally calm Mia screamed at him.  Despite the danger he was now in, Isaac couldn't help but notice how lovely the blue-haired adept looked when she was angry.  "This dress does not make me look fat!"

            Knowing that nothing he could say or do would remedy the situation, Isaac remained silent.

            "Why you… aren't you even going to apologize?!!"  Mia yelled, clearly in a rage.  Isaac realized his mistake too late.  She was already gone, leaving a faint scent of lily blossoms in her wake.  He could still hear whispers in the air… "Isaac, you jerk."

            "What am I going to do?"  he moaned.  A single tear dripped down his cheek, leaving a painful, shimmering mark in its wake.  "I just lost the woman of my dreams."

*~*~*

            Ivan skipped along the road, wondering what he was going to do today.  Suddenly, he saw something that would continue to disturb him for the remainder of his natural life, and maybe even after that, too.

            Garet was standing with a large black rock in his hand, his eyes locked onto two white eyes that had been drawn onto the rock's surface.  "Melinda… you're so fine."

            Garet paused, leaning his spiky-haired head towards Melinda's smooth, dark surface.  He appeared to be listening, and then with a smile he gave it a kiss right where Ivan judged its mouth would be.  Ivan cringed.

            "I gave him that rock, hoping that it would make him quit following me around wherever I went.  It worked… a little too well," someone said from behind Ivan with a sigh, causing him to jump.  He turned around and saw that the speaker was Jenna, a look of remorse in her dark eyes.

            "Really?"  Ivan asked, feeling sorry for Jenna.  Garet preferred a rock to her?

            "I suppose that he just wanted someone with brainpower more equivalent to his own.  They get along so well…" Jenna sighed.

            "Lets go get ice cream!" Ivan exclaimed, losing interest.

            "Sure, kiddo.  Lets go," Jenna said sadly.  She was in the mood for some comfort food anyway.

*~*~* Jenna Flashback *~*~*

            "Would you STOP FOLLOWING ME?!"  Jenna hollered at her fellow Mars adept.

            "But Jenna… I want to keep you safe!  What if a monster suddenly attacks you?  Then what?"  He sounded concerned.

            "Careful, Garet.  Your smart is showing," Jenna remarked sarcastically.

            "Where?" he wondered aloud, looking about_.  Either he's trying to be funny…_Jenna thought, _or he really is the king of idiots.  She hoped, for his sake, that it was the former._

            She had had a crush on Garet's best friend, Isaac, for as long as she could remember, but Isaac had never returned her feelings, and when he'd found Mia…  She looked at Garet with a sigh.  He wasn't Isaac, but he was the next best thing.  He was her muscle-bound, spiky-haired idiot, which Isaac would, no, could never be.  _A two sided coin, she thought.  _He can never be Isaac, either_.  And it was Isaac she loved, not Garet.  She knew, however, that she could never be happy without Isaac, so she might as well make others happy as best she could, since Isaac was Mia's._

            She was getting tired of Garet following her everywhere.  Since they had started officially "going out", he had become extremely protective of her.  Suddenly, her eyes fell upon a smooth, ebony rock and inspiration struck.

            She ran home as quickly as she could, the black rock in her hand, Garet still following behind.  She ran into her house, slamming the door shut behind her, to Garet's dismay.  She could hear him yelling something about Mars adepts who were in need of his protection.  _If I need protection, what does he need? Jenna wondered._

            Upon searching her room, Jenna realized that she didn't have what she needed.  _I guess that means that I have I have to enter the beast's den…  _Reluctantly, she left her room, struggling to make her feet move.  She whimpered softly as she stopped before his door.  "FELIX", a wooden plaque on it proclaimed.

            "You know what?" she told herself.  "This isn't worth it.  I don't need to go in here."  She was about to throw the rock away when she heard Garet yell, "Don't worry, Jenna!  I'll save you!" 

She took a look at the rock, crossed her fingers, and rushed into the room, the scent of rotten eggs assaulting her senses.  She knew from prior experience that it was best to take it all at once, rather than gradually entering the room.  If she took her time, she knew that she would never get inside.  As her eyes adjusted to the dim light in the room, she saw her quarry: a bucket of white paint.  She groaned, noticing that in order to reach it she had to cross the room.

            _How does he SLEEP in here every night?  Jenna wondered.  _It's unhealthy._  Cautiously, she took a step, yelping as her leg sunk into the layers of old, discarded items on the floor, including an array of sharp objects from Felix's adventures.  The real floor hadn't seen sunlight in ages.  It was covered in so much junk that Jenna was certain that not even Felix himself knew what kind of floor there was._

            "Eeeew," Jenna said in disgust as her hand brushed against a forgotten banana peel.  She was ready to turn back right then, but she remembered Garet waiting for her and gathered her courage.  "Only a bit further, Jenna-girl."

            She noticed a manila folder that was untouched by the dirt that seemed to coat everything else in the room.  _It's in the opposite direction of the paint, but if it's got some good dirt [no pun intended…]__ on Felix…_

            She turned around, wading through mountains of rotting equipment ("Felix, what a packrat you are!") until she reached the folder, and gently picked it up.

            "Jenna!  I'm home!" Felix yelled.

            "Shit!"  Jenna exclaimed.  She grabbed the folder, ran across the room (as best she could), and seized the paint, then rolled outside the room and back into her own, slamming a door shut behind her for the second time that day.

            "Jenna?" he said through her door.  She could hear him turning the handle of the door.

            "Don't come in!" she cried, wishing for the millionth time that she had a lock on her door.  "I'm not decent!"

            "Were you in my room again?" he asked, his rich voice muffled by the door.

            "Gross!"  Jenna said, trying her best to sound offended at the idea.  "That garbage dump?"

            "I'm missing something very… precious to me," he said in a manner vaguely reminiscent of Gollum from Lord of the Rings when referring to the Ring.  With those words, he turned and left; Jenna could hear his retreating footsteps.

            Jenna looked from her left hand, which was holding the paint can, to her right hand, where she held the manila folder.  Deciding that he couldn't possibly have been referring to the paint ("Even HE isn't THAT weird…"), she set the can aside and opened the folder.  Upon seeing its contents, Jenna immediately regretted her decision to take it with her.

            The top page was a huge image of a girl with a simple, short bob wearing a sort of smirk on her face that said, "I know what you're thinking… and it ain't pretty."  Next came an official looking document that read:

            **Name:  Sheba**

            **Birthdate:  unknown**

            **Age (approx.): 15**

            **Hair:  blonde**

            **Eyes:  green-blue**

            **Other info:  Jupiter adept, fond of puppies and small children.**

            There were other things in the folder, including items Sheba had "lost" recently, as well as a lock of her hair.

            It was not as though Jenna hadn't suspected; ever since she had learned of Felix's leap of faith off the Venus lighthouse, she had been expectant, to say the least.  "But… a stalker?  How could she not have noticed?"  Jenna wondered out loud.

            "Give me that," a calm voice breathed in her ear.  Jenna jumped and turned, finding herself face-to-face her brother.  She must have missed his stealthy entrance in her preoccupation with the Sheba files.  "You weren't in my room, eh?"

            "Why don't you tell her, Felix?"  Jenna looked into his calm eyes [what color ARE his eyes???].

            Before he gratified her with a response, he seized the folder and stroked it spasmodically.  "My precious… you have returned to me," he mumbled.  Turning to Jenna, he said, "Tell her?  Are you mad?  What if she doesn't like me back?"

            "'Like'?  Felix, you don't just like her… you're obsessed!"

            "So?" he responded, stroking his folder protectively.

            "Look.  I'm going to do you a favor," Jenna announced in that tone of voice that all younger siblings use right before doing something positively awful to their elder brothers and sisters.  "Flare!" she yelled, and the folder burst into flames. _ He's going to KILL me…_

            "NOOOOO!  SHEBA!"  Felix screamed in an eerily high, feminine voice.  "I NEVER TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!!!"

            Jenna decided to leave while he was still crying over the ashes of his folder.  She hurried off, careful not to run for fear that she would attract his attention, distracting him from his "final moments" with "Sheba."  Miraculously, she still had the paint can and the rock.

            In the kitchen, Jenna found a paintbrush and gave the rock a face and a name: Melinda.  "Garet's just going to love you!  I know it!"  Suddenly, she heard a loud FWACK, and there Garet was, plastered against a window.  _Speak of the devil…she thought sarcastically._

            "JENNA!!!" he cried.  _I wonder if Felix got the stalker thing from Garet…  It was time to implement her plan._

            "Garet!  I can't come out, but my friend, Melinda, can!" she told him, throwing the rock out the window.

            "Melinda…?" he said, testing the name.

            "Yes, that's my name!" Jenna said, making it sound as though the rock had said it.  _Good thing I took those ventriloquist lessons, _she thought.

            Garet walked over and picked up the rock, a bewildered look on his face.  "Did you just… speak?"

            "Yes I did, Spiky!  Got a problem with that?"

            "No… do you wanna go get lunch?"  Without waiting for a response, Garet walked off, "Melinda" in hand.  Jenna snickered deviously.  _It's about time he left me alone!_

*~*~* end flashback *~*~*

           Jenna walked into the local ice cream shop, Ivan close behind.  _It feels good to have someone following me around again!  _"What would you like, Ivan?"

           "Rocky road!  It's the best!  And I want chocolate frosting with chocolate sprinkles and…"

           "That's enough!"  Jenna walked to the abandoned counter, calling, "Hey!  Is anyone back there?  I'd like to order some ice cream!"

           "I'm right here!"  A figure with long, dark brown hair stood up from where he had been hiding behind the counter.

           "Felix!"  Jenna exclaimed.

           "Not so loud… she might hear you."

           "She?  She who?"  Jenna asked.

           "Her name's Wild… and she's been stalking me…" he shuddered.  "And… crap!  Is that her djinn?"  He threw himself to the floor, but was not quite quick enough, as the mars djinn had already spotted him.

           "Wild!  He's in here!"  it yelled.

           Felix stood up and ran out the door as fast as he could.

           "What about our ice cream…?" Ivan wondered.

*~*~*

Mia sat in the coffee cream shop, wondering what she was going to do now.  I can't go back to Isaac… not after dumping him like that…that uncivil cretin, she thought.  Unknown to all of her friends but Sheba and Ivan, the Jupiter adepts, she often used her kind, giving exterior to hide a devious, plotting mind underneath.  Of course, normally she used even that to good ends, but now, she wanted some sort of vengeance on Isaac.  Seeing everyone's favorite blue-haired antagonist seated at a nearby table, she walked over and asked, "Is this seat taken?"  She indicated the seat across from him.

           "Go away," he responded without looking up.

           "Awww… come on, Alex.  Can't I sit down?"  Mia pleaded, not even sure why she was doing this herself.         He looked up, saying, "Mia?"

*~*~*

            "Jenna!  But I wanted ice cream!"  Ivan yelled.

            "I know… but you're going to have to settle for a nice mocha latte."

            "Stupid Felix… running off and leaving me to this…"

            "You say it like it's a bad thing!"  Jenna smiled, but she was disappointed.  She'd been in the mood for a triple-scoop of chocolate, cookie dough, and rainbow sherbet ice cream.  They were her favorite flavors, and just what she needed right about then.

            She placed an order, getting hot chocolate for the already energetic Ivan ("Yay!  Chocolate!") and some water for herself, then sat down.

            "It is so good to see you again…" a male voice said softly.  She knew that voice.  It belonged to Alex!  She stood up and snuck around the counter and saw the last thing she had ever expected to see.  Mia and Alex were sitting across from each other, reminiscing.  Only one thought crossed her mind.  If she's with Alex, then Isaac…  Ivan saw a red blur flash by him, out the door, and down the street.

*~*~*

**SS:  **I can't believe I proofread that… oh, well… getting bagel made it all worthwhile… ^^

**CC:**  Oh, yes… heh heh heh…****

**DB: *** is tied up and chained at the bottom of the sea* MMPH! (translation: VENGEANCE!!!)

**CC:  **This is the part where I say "Please Review!  I don't mind flames if it's your honest opinion ^^"

**DB:  **MMMMMPH!!! (translation: I SHALL HAVE VENGEANCE ON YOU, SS AND CC!!!)

**CC:  **Thank you and GOOD NIGHT!!!


	2. Tribute to a Noble Bird

**AN:** I actually did some research for this.  It can be seen in Sheba's speech about turkey rights.  Unfortunately, my source is outdated, so forgive me if any of my info is incorrect...

Do they even celebrate Thanksgiving in Weyard?  Oh, well...****

**Disclaimer:  **I do not own Golden Sun or any of the characters mentioned within this fic.  I bet I could buy one off e-bay, though... *goes to look*

**Chapter 2:  Tribute to a Noble Bird (...and I ain't talking about no eagle...)**

    Ivan screamed and ran from the oversized bird.  You might run, too, if you met a bird that was twice your size who's vocabulary consisted of "Gobble, gobble."  _Not that I'm afraid of being eaten... I just consider myself TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!  Ivan cried silently._

    "Ivan, get back here!  The turkey is NOT about to eat you!"  Jenna called.

    "That's easy for you to say... the beast can't look into your eyes with those small, black, beady things you call its eyes... IT IS PURE EVIL, I TELL YOU!!!"  Ivan yelled fearfully.

    "The turkey is dumber than Garet!  It's too stupid to hurt you!"  Jenna responded.

    "That's not possible," Ivan retorted with a glance at the spiky-haired fire adept to whom they were referring.  Garet was currently involved in a conversation with Melinda, a black rock with a clumsily-painted white smiley face on it.  To Ivan, the conversation sounded rather one-sided, but Garet was probably having a grand time chatting with his earthen girl-friend.

    "Okay, okay.  I was exaggerating.  Perhaps the turkey has a FEW more brain cells than Garet."

    Along with Jenna, Ivan, and Garet was a variety of other adepts who were friends of theirs.  The ever-silent Felix was nearby, his arms crossed, his face wearing the perpetual frown that had graced his features since before Ivan had known him.  Beside him stood Picard, the eldest at their little gathering, the corner of his mouth curving upwards in a small smile at the comments of his argumentative friends.  The last person there was Isaac, his eyes downcast as he counted the ants that formed a long line extending back to their nest.

    "It seems like everyone is depressed nowadays!"  Ivan noted.

    Two people had not graced this gathering with their presence, Mia and Sheba.  Mia was nowhere to be found, and Sheba was disgusted by the treatment of the "noble" bird known as the turkey.

*~*~* **Ivan Flashback** *~*~*

    "Ivan, they treat the turkeys as though they're not even living, breathing beings!"  Sheba exclaimed.  She often confided in her fellow Jupiter adept.  "The birds are bred to be eaten!"

    "I suppose that that isn't so nice..." Ivan commented.

    "It's _barbaric is what it is!  Those poor birds..."_

    "I can't imagine being raised to be eaten..."

    "And the worst part?"  Sheba murmured, tears coming to her eyes.  "We eat them before they've fully matured.  A turkey is ready to be eaten when it's about 20 weeks old."

    "Erm," Ivan said, unsure how to respond.

    "They raise the turkeys so that they're fat, they breed them so that they're fat, and on Thanksgiving, they're eaten!"  Sheba said passionately.  "Tell me, what do the turkeys have to be thankful for on Thanksgiving, eh?  Nothing!  It's a turkey holocaust, I tell you!"

    "They're just birds," Ivan mumbled.

    "Just birds?  JUST BIRDS?  Do you know how the turkeys feel about this?"  Sheba hollered.

    "Do you?"

    "No, but that's beside the point!  This is morally wrong!"

    "Look, Sheba," Ivan began.  "The 'turkey holocaust' is, well, life.  The people raise the turkeys, the people kill the turkeys, and the people eat the turkeys.  That's the way it's always been.  You can't change it.  It's not as though you can free the turkeys or anything--"

    "That's it!"  Sheba interrupted.  Without saying more, she ran off, a crazed look in her eyes.

*~*~* end flashback *~*~*

    "Which turkey do you want?"  Felix asked no one in particular.

    "What do you mean?"  Ivan wondered aloud.

    "We're cooking our OWN turkey this year.  Saves quite a bit of money," Felix explained, looking exasperated.

    "You mean we're going to choose our own turkey... and just kill it?"  Ivan whispered, blanching.

    "Very good, Ivan," Felix grumbled sarcastically at the same time Picard said, "Someone has to kill the turkey.  Wouldn't you rather it was us so then we know that it's fresh?"  Clearly, the Mercury adept was trying to console Ivan, but he only made the boy feel worse.  _We're going to KILL a turkey ourselves?  _

    "Lets get... that one!"  Jenna said, pointing at a particularly prominent bird.

    "Gobble?"  It squawked questioningly.

    "Get it!"  Picard yelled, lunging at the gargantuan bird, arms outstretched.

    "Gobble!"  the bird cried as it dodged Picard's assault, sending the adept sprawling face first in the dirt.

    "I'll catch it!"  Jenna exclaimed, joining the fray.  Soon, Garet and Melinda had joined the chase as well, Garet throwing the rock ("I'm so sorry, Melinda!") at the obese bird's head.  Felix watched disdainfully.  Isaac had vanished.

    With a sigh, Ivan decided to help them battle the ferocious bird.  He focused his psynergy, then released it on the bird with a cry of "Sleep!"  For an instant, everything froze, and then all his turkey-chasing friends (along with the bird itself) collapsed, asleep.

    Felix hefted the bird on his shoulder, saying, "Come on, Ivan.  Lets go.  They'll follow when they awake."  He walked away, not even waiting for Ivan to answer.      Neither of them saw the shadowy figure in a nearby tree chuckle evilly.  "All is going according to plan."

*~*~*

    "Tis the season to be jolly.  Fa la la la la--"

    "Shut up already, Garet!  Wrong holiday!"

    "Sorry."

    "Gobble?"

    Felix and Ivan had gotten home with just enough time to put the turkey in a pin in their yard.  Now it was running about in circles, chasing Ivan.

    "Is it just me," Picard began, "or does Ivan really like the turkey?  They've been running around like that for _hours."_

    "I think that he's terrified of birds..." Jenna commented.

    "Nonsense!  Why would he be running with the turkey if he was afraid of it?"

    "I actually think that he's running AWAY from it..." she mumbled.

    Picard saw Ivan's mouth moving, and paused just long enough to make out the words, "I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!"

    "You are correct, Jenna."

    Suddenly, there was a loud knocking on the door.  Jenna and Garet both rushed to open it, reaching the door at the same instant.  In her eagerness to be the one to open the door, Jenna yanked it open hard and fast, slamming Garet in the head, causing him to fall down unconscious.  "Oops..."

    "Don't worry.  He'll be fine.  His skull is too thick for the door to have done any real damage," the figure at the door commented.

    "Isaac!" Jenna said, glad, as always, to see the object of her affections.

    "Hello, Jenna," he said with a smile.  "Everyone, I need your help."

    "Eh?" Garet wondered.  He was sitting up, rubbing his head.  Apparently, Isaac had been correct.

    "After YOU all left and FORGOT me, someone came and freed the turkeys!  Every last one!" Isaac explained.

    "Really?"

    "Yup.  Now what's Ivan doing out there with the turkey?"

*~*~*

    The whole GS crew (plus a turkey and Melinda) sat around a fireplace, musing.  All of them were wondering who could have freed the turkeys, with the exception of Garet, who was wondering if green pasta tasted the same as yellow pasta.

    "I've got it!" Garet suddenly shouted, startling everyone in the room.  "They MUST taste the same, since they're both pasta!"

    Everyone sighed and went back to thinking.  Garet had been having similar outbursts the entire evening.  There was complete silence, except for the merry cackling of the fire warming the room.

    Silence... and then, "No, they're both pasta, but one is GREEN and the other is YELLOW."

    "Who says we tar and feather Garet?" someone suggested.  The idea was met with general approval, and before long everyone was running after Garet, Jenna with a bag of feathers and Ivan with glue, since they didn't have the proper liquid.

    Ivan squirted glue after Garet, and Jenna and Isaac showered him in flowers.  Felix watched, a small smile beginning to form on his stoic features.  Picard smiled and shook his head, muttering something about "Crazy kids."

    Everyone froze as the front door was thrown open, and Sheba entered, wearing a long trench-coat.  "Sheba?" Ivan said, blinking his eyes rapidly at the sight that met his eyes.  "You've gained a bit of weight..."

    "QUITE a bit," Garet said.

    It was true; Sheba was round as a pumpkin.  Suddenly, something moved beneath the coat, and an angry "Gobble!" could be clearly heard from somewhere near her bottom.  Suddenly, the coat fell off, revealing Sheba sitting atop a huge mound of turkeys.

    "YOU freed those turkeys!" Isaac gasped.

    "And?  Would you rather they were eaten?"

    "Um..."

    And so they found themselves seated around their dining table, seven adepts to about twenty large turkeys.

    "Felix, would you like to say Grace?"

    "Sure.  Thank you for this fine meal, and my friends," he paused, and with a nervous glance at the turkeys, he continued hurriedly.  "as well as these lovely avian companions."  He looked at the turkeys again, all of them staring at him with those beady eyes of theirs, and he began to sweat.  "Also, thank you that this meal is not one of turkey, but of ham!  Yes!  So much better!"

    Seeing a large bird glaring at him, he said a hurried, "Amen" and began to eat, along with his friends.

    "Hey," Ivan said to the turkey which had been chasing him earlier between mouthfuls of food.  "Can I call you Gobbles?"

    "GOBBLE!!!"

*~*~*

**AN: **Well, there's Chapter 2!  Can you tell that I've been watching "Chicken Run"?


	3. Vacationing in Paradise

Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun.  Nope, I don't.  I've accepted that.  This is also the part where I say "Don't try these stunts at home, kids!" Chapter 3: Vacationing in Paradise 

            "Guess where we're going this holiday season?" Jenna announced.  Everyone knew that this was a rhetorical question, so they remained silent.  "No guesses?"  She sounded disappointed.

            After a few moments of complete silence, Picard decided to hazard a guess.  "Are we going to Lemuria?"  For months now, she had been talking about how she missed the city, with its perfect weather year round and gorgeous beach guys.  Despite this fact, he cringed after the words escaped his lips, fearing a violent outbreak of that infamous Mars temper.

            "Yeah!  I'm sick of cold winters!  This year, we're going to Paradise!" she exclaimed.  Everyone in the room let out a collective breath which they had all been holding.

            "When are we leaving?" Isaac asked.

            "Tomorrow," she responded, then turned and left before anyone could protest her decision.

*~*~* Tomorrow *~*~*

            It was the day of the trip, and everyone was readying for the journey.  Picard was giving his ship a quick once-over before the journey.  Felix was trying to remember the silly rhyme that showed the way to Lemuria.  Jenna was trying to explain to Sheba WHY her numerous turkey friends should stay behind.  Garet was struggling under the weight of Melinda's numerous belongings; for a rock, she certainly didn't travel light.  And Ivan was running about heavily laden with photographing apparatus, taking pictures of everything in sight.

            "Ready to embark, mates!" Picard shouted.

            "I think so," Sheba answered with a grin.  An unconscious Jenna on the far side of the boat showed who had won their argument about turkeys.

            "Ahem," Picard coughed.

            "Oh, yeah… oops.  Aye-aye, captain!"  Sheba corrected herself.  Earlier, Picard had talked with them all, explaining that no one was getting on his boat unless they used sea talk.  He said that it was embarrassing to be captain of a boat full of "land lubbers."

            "Hold it… are you bringing those turkeys?"  He had finally noticed the birds.

            "Yes.  And if you've got a problem with that…" Sheba left his imagination to complete the threat for her.

            Picard was about to come up with a million reasons why the birds should go when Felix piped in.  "Just let her have the birds, Picard."

            Before Picard could protest, there was a brilliant flash of light and a click of a camera.  Picard was temporarily blinded, but he recognized Ivan's voice saying, "I'll call this one, 'Felix Defends his True Love!'"

            "Ivan!" Felix yelled, and Picard was vaguely aware of the taller silhouette of Felix chasing a smaller one, which was probably Ivan.  "I am going to KILL you!"

            "You can never catch the Phantom Photographer!" Ivan retorted with a trill of evil laughter.  By the time Picard had fully regained his sight, both had vanished into the bowels of the ship.

            Deciding that he had delayed the voyage long enough, he gave up on turkeys for the time being and instead focused on preparing the ship to leave.

            Meanwhile, Garet and Melinda were having the type of talk that is necessary in any relationship.

            "So… Melinda.  How have you been?" Garet asked his granite girlfriend.

            Melinda remained silent.

            "Come on, Melinda.  You haven't spoken to me since we got on the boat!"

            Rather than responding, she just gazed at him mockingly with those dead, painted eyes.

            "Melinda," he cried.  "Why are you ignoring me?"

            Melinda said nothing, and in a fury Garet threw her out the window.  "That's it!  We're through!"

            There was a satisfying splash as rock met water.

            For a few moments Garet sat there dumbstruck, then realized what he had done.

            "Melinda!  NOOOOO!" he yelled, and ran outside, ready to retrieve her, but he was too late.  They were already moving.

            Garet returned to his room.  He sat there, silently mourning Melinda.  Suddenly, he heard the most gorgeous voice he had ever heard.  It was rich and warm and full of life.

            "Come on, Isaac.  Cheer up!" it was saying.  "Mia is gone!  Face it!  And now you have other women who love you."

            Garet wiped drool from the corner of his mouth as he thought about whom that voice might belong to.  Then he stepped outside and found himself staring at the most gorgeous redhead the world had ever seen.

            Her hair was long and wavy, and was tied back in a high ponytail with a few stray strands escaping here and there.  Even though her back was turned to him, Garet could see that her body was trim and fit, and the red-and-pink skirt she wore suited her.  A short cape hung about her loosely, obscuring her torso.

            "Isaac," she was saying.  "Sure I'm not Mia, but we've known each other since childhood!"

            Isaac looked at her, tears in his eyes and whispered, "You're right, Jenna.  I should get over it."  He leaned forward and hugged her tenderly.

            Garet had watched all this with disinterest until that last hug.  _No, _he cried inwardly.  _Jenna is mine!  Hey, do I smell pizza?_  Garet immediately left in search of the nourishment in question, forgetting Isaac and Jenna momentarily.  There was a brilliant flash of a camera behind him, and a boy's voice exclaimed, "I'll call this one 'It's About Time!'"

            "There you are, you damn Jupiter adept," a deeper, more mature voice added.  "I still owe you for your LAST picture!"

            "Ha, ha… this is where the Phantom Photographer must make his exit!  Buh-bye!" The boyish voice said, and the patter of little feet could be heard, most likely running away.

            "Why you little brat!" The more mature voice sounded livid.

            "You think Felix'd kill me if I told him that I gave Ivan that camera?" Jenna mused after they had left.

            "Shh!" Isaac said, covering Jenna's mouth.  "He might hear you!"

*~*~*

            Picard whacked his head on the boat, trying to clear the voices from his head.  "Are we there yet?  How about now?  How much longer?"  Ivan asked.  "I'm hungry.  I'm thirsty!  I have to go to the bathroom!"  This boy was enough to drive anyone mad!  He had been asking the same questions for hours now, ever since he had been forced to hide from Felix's wrath.  Or rather, since he had been forced to put Picard between him and Felix.  Picard cringed, imagining what he would face upon the crew's arrival in Lemuria.  Felix wouldn't hurt him now, as no one else could pilot the ship, but later… Not much made Felix mad; everyone called him the "Rock" because he was about as emotionless as one, but when his temper was aroused, well, lets just say he had killed before.

            "Are we there yet?" Ivan asked yet again, causing Picard to wonder if the boy ever needed to breathe.

            Picard could take it no longer.  All the patience that he had earned over his long years of life was gone.  "NO!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

            There was a blinding flash of light, and in the temporary blindness that followed, Picard heard Ivan exclaim, "A once-in-a-lifetime shot!  I'll call it 'Picard FINALLY Loses his Temper!"  With those words, Ivan was gone, leaving Picard all alone.

            Picard sighed with relief as they pulled into the docks of Lemuria.  There was a flurry of activity as everyone rushed to get off the boat at once, though Ivan made it first with Felix in a close second, probably yelling something along the lines of, "I'll get you, you little brat!"

            Next the girls were off.  Both were already wearing swimsuits; Jenna had a magenta bikini, and Sheba was wearing a yellow-and-blue one piece.  Jenna led, followed by Sheba and a battalion of turkeys.  Once the last had left the boat, the whole thing rose about six feet in the water.

Isaac and Garet came next.  Isaac was talking about what a wonderful person Jenna was, and Garet was stuffing his face with slice after slice of pepperoni pizza.  

Finally, it was Picard's turn to disembark.  He grabbed his luggage, leaving everyone else's behind, and followed them all to solid ground.

            "Beach!" Sheba cried gleefully.  "Come, my avian companions!"  She ran off into the water, leading row after row of poultry after her.  Jenna laid out a blanket and umbrella on the beach and began lounging on the beach; Isaac joined her.

            Picard watched them for a moment, then entered Lemuria itself, readying himself for what was sure to be a time-consuming explanation to King Hydros about WHY, exactly, the water was infested with floating turkeys.

*~*~*

            Garet sat in his room (again) alone, wondering how to get Jenna back. Certainly, he could always tell her how he felt, but EVERYONE knows that something like that is against the Guy's Code of Honor.  It's up there with asking for directions.

            "Maybe one of my wonderful poems will change her mind," he mumbled to himself, forgetting another of the Essential Rules of Manhood: NO POETRY.

            Within a few moments, he had written a "beautiful" poem for Jenna:

_Your hair is red._

_Your eyes are brown._

_You have freckles on your face._

_But I don't care._

_They aren't that ugly._

_Your loud screechy voice when you are mad hurts my ears,_

_And the glares you use on my hurt, too._

_Sure, you are not Melinda,_

_But you are the next best thing._

            "There," Garet said proudly surveying his work.  "Another masterpiece!"

            The only warning Garet received before Ivan attacked was maniacal laughter and an announcement calling the picture "A First: Garet Thinking."

*~*~*

            Jenna stared at the poem in front of her in horror.  It was like some sort of crime against poets everywhere.  What kind of person would write such a horrific poem?  She couldn't read what the person had written; it was so badly spelled that she wasn't quite sure if it WAS a poem, though the format seemed to suggest it.

            She shrugged, setting the strange poem aside, then smiled at Isaac, who had been sitting beside her silently for nearly an hour.  She knew that he felt like he was betraying Mia; he was too loyal not to.  That was what she liked about him: how he could remain faithful to someone who hadn't spoken to him in months.  She had vanished off the face of the earth, as far as Jenna knew.

            "Hey, look!  It's Mia!" Isaac said suddenly, excitement evident in his voice.  Jenna turned to look and saw the most gorgeous creature on the beach.

            Mia had a perfect body, complemented by her long, silky blue hair and her intelligent cerulean eyes.  She had a smile that was to die for, a laugh that could kill, and the sort of inviting warmth that could give a person a heart attack.  Jenna also knew that Mia had the jealousy of every other girl on the beach from firsthand experience.

            Mia looked up from what she was doing and exclaimed, "Hello, Jenna!" She continued less enthusiastically. "Isaac."

            "Good afternoon, Mia," Jenna responded, both furious and jealous at the same time of Mia.  _Just when Isaac was starting to like me!_

            Meanwhile, Garet, watching from behind some bushes, snickered evilly.  Another first: he had a plan to get Jenna back.

*~*~*

            Sheba lay on the beach, soaking in the sun while her turkeys surfed the waves.  That was all they could do; all that extra fat made them extremely buoyant.  A shadow blocked her sun; she opened her eyes and saw Ivan posed above her with a camera.  "Could you move?" she requested.  "You're blocking my sun."

            There was the flashing of a camera, and Sheba heard Ivan name the picture.  "This one will be, 'Ivan makes an easy fifteen bucks!'"  Another camera flash.  "This one is 'Felix is such a sucker!'" A third flash.  "And this is 'Felix is so stupid, I think I'll charge him forty for this one!'"

            With those words, Ivan was gone, leaving a very bewildered Sheba behind.

*~*~* Somewhere in a Dark Alley of Lemuria *~*~*

            "You got the pictures?" Felix asked Ivan.

            "You got seventy bucks?"

            Felix growled and handed over the money, and was rewarded with three pictures.  Hm… I wonder what they're of?

*~*~*

            "Dinner time, everyone!" Picard announced.

            "Where do you want to go to eat?" Jenna asked.  "We have three different choices.  All are the same price, and they have the same kitchen, but different names.  Blue Whale Diner, Starfish Café, and La Piscine."

            "Which one's closest?"

            "Café it is!"

            The adepts walked into the café, grabbed a seat, and were about to order when Picard gasped.  "No way am I paying this much for a single shrimp!"

            "Eh?" Felix wondered.

            Picard showed him the menu, and Felix's jaw dropped.  Isaac peeked over Felix's shoulder and blanched.  "Come on, everyone… lets go see if there's a fast-food place in town…"

            The adepts left as quickly as they had come.

*~*~*

            Mia looked up from her book and caught Isaac's eyes.  "Hey."

            "Hi," he answered her, blushing slightly. "I'm sorry for before…"

            "Me, too," she said with a smile.

            Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and Ivan shouted, "A lovely picture!  I think I'll call this one, 'Isaac and Mia Make Up!'"

            Isaac turned around and glared at Ivan.  "I think I'll call this one, 'Ivan Gets a Boo-boo!'"

            "Which one?" Ivan wondered nervously.

            "The one I'm about to take!"

            "If you can catch me, the Phantom Photographer!"  Ivan was expecting Isaac to come after him.  However, he certainly wasn't expecting to run into Felix and Picard while trying to escape.

            "Hello, Ivan," Picard said in a low whisper.

            "These pictures you sold me are horrible," Felix stated plainly, holding up three photos of Ivan's fingers, which had apparently covered the lens.

            "Heh, heh… no refunds?"

            "Wrong answer!" Felix exclaimed, and lunged at Ivan.

*~*~*

            Ivan limped onto the boat, a broken camera hanging pitifully around his neck.  "Everyone ready to go?"

            "That's my line," Picard said sternly.

            "Sorry."

            Picard glared at Ivan for a moment, then announced, "Har, har, mates!  We be prepared to sail from these treacherous waters."

            "Aye-aye, captain!" His friends cried in unison.

            Picard took the helm and began steering the ship, while Ivan, unable to resist the urge to be annoying, began instructing the "crew" how to sing his favorite "sea scanty," which was called "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall."  Sounds like they're in for a loooong trip…

*~*~*

**CC: **Sorry it took me so long to write… and it's still short!  Oh, well… Happy holidays, everyone!

**Ivan: ***waves crutch at CC* Where's my apology?  You had Picard and Felix beat me up!

**CC: **You were asking for it, man.  An innocent facial expression can only get you so far…

**Ivan: **Vengeance shall be mine!****

**Dancing Bagel: ***to Ivan* Want some help with that, kid?


End file.
